Tag Archives: new beginnings

When you lose a baby… part i

It was over a year that I was expected my first baby, it was also the year that I lost my first baby. 2015 was a year for the books, everything that could have gone wrong in a woman’s life, did. I was at about 14 weeks. I was a hippie the entire three months, with no insurance and a boyfriend who had no idea what he was doing (who does in these types of situations); I also never got to see him in an ultrasound (I kept on saying what did women do back in the day!) but I knew that it was a boy. Though I wasn’t married and had other relationship issues to deal with, I can’t remember ever feeling that type of joy. I was going to be a mother. I distinctly remember the intense feeling that overcame me when I realized I had the responsibility to care of another life. I loved this little guy even more than I loved my own life, even in this short amount of time. I would have killed and done anything to give him the best I could offer.

There are some things that you should know about me….
1. I was supposed to compete in the NPC that year. I leg pressed 500 pounds before my accident and was so proud of all of my accomplishments in the gym.
2. I am a hard worker, an overachiever, and a DOER.
3. I was madly in love with a man who only loved me the best he knew how.
4. Our baby was planned.
5. I never understood how becoming a mother changes your life in amazing ways. It DOES!
6. I always had wanted a family (5 boys).
7. I was raised going to church but did not have a personal walk with Christ. That was quickly about to change.

In February of 2015, my boyfriend had planned a surprise weekend skiing trip to the mountains of Virginia. I am not a cold weather person, for the record. However, it was beautiful and we enjoyed a couples double date in a weekend that would change my life.

I am athletic and love challenges. I was supposed to ski down from the top of the mountain at the end of our day …. there are lots of things I could say to fill in the gaps of details, but long story short, I was tired, fell and completely tore my ACL and meniscus.

After I was able to walk and the tear superficially healed, I realized that my extreme fitness goals were going to have to wait. I was 33 and had time. I got to thinking though, being stuck on a couch with a leg in the air does wonders for the brain. It occurred to me that perhaps this was God’s way of telling me to slow down….fullsizeoutput_376 Part ii coming soon.